Why is there so much misunderstanding?

"Politeness without sincerity is like a beautiful dead women." From the moment that we could express ourselves we were taught to be conscious of what we said and the tone in which it was delivered. In effect, we were expected to 'edit' our words and tone to what was deemed as acceptable by society, anything to the contrary would be termed as gauche or perhaps rude.

Honesty is often sacrificed on the altar of politeness. These altered and edited expressions fail to satisfactorily convey our message leading to frustration and misunderstanding. "Harshness and bluntness may be effective, but unpleasant." Raw and naked expression though honest may however be hurtful. We do not have to be oblivious to the feelings of others while expressing something that may have the potential to cause hurt. Often the right choice of words and tone may succeed in getting the right message across with a less hurtful result.

This does not mean that we need to misrepresent our thoughts and feelings, but rather be mindful of the manner in which they are delivered. The factor that should be applied in all forms of our expression is kindness. The most effective way to be kind is to put our self in the 'other person's shoes'. If roles were reversed, in what manner would we like to be communicated to? 

Dishonest expression is not all about being insincere for the sake of being polite. Quite often it is our own cowardliness that motivates us from truthfully expressing ourselves. It may be that we are afraid of hurting the other person's feelings, or it may be our own need to be liked by others, or it may be that we are afraid of the consequences. This misrepresentation and insincerity may succeed in skirting the truth temporarily but will inevitably result in more damage in the long term. False praise in the hope to encourage others tends to result in an inflated sense of self worth. This is usually the case in parent child relationships.

Regardless of motivation or reason, insincere and dishonest expression should be avoided. The best and most honest path to follow is "kindness with candor".